I don't have one and only one draft. My story is redefining itself one agonizing page at a time. And then there's my book - the same thing is happening, on a much smaller scale.
An interesting recent comment from Bryan Cranston got me thinking... the gist of it was that there are people who can transcend their pain and anger, but their art is no good - you need some degree of suffering to be creative in a way compelling to others. I take from it that you may be able to communicate higher ideas, but they are often too dry for the common masses (which are often the very people one intends to reach/educate). I placed this notion over many individuals I know or am familiar with, and found it rings true.
In the past decade, while trying to redefine my life and connection to the universe - to transcend the human "failings" as I saw them - I took charge of my emotions to the best of my degree. I sought that higher plane. During that same time, I found my creative output more and more difficult to sustain. Now, as I attempt to reinvigorate that part of myself, I find it difficult to place myself in the shoes of my characters - I find my "higher self" attempting to direct them, rather than their own natures. I've forgotten how to 'feel' anything else.
While I certainly would not trade my higher awareness away, I need also connect to my artistic side... so the conundrum then becomes how do I reconnect to those runaway, knee-jerk sensations that define much of common human interaction and reaction? How do you revisit that lower level of being without doing so in a condescending/frivolous manner? I don't seek to educate directly, as I have never learned things in this manner. I would be in a false position if I attempted it. So, if I am compelled to communicate an idea, I am compelled to do so through art.
It's said that enlightenment is a door that opens inward, and it's one-way. There's no losing track of certain higher ideas once they've taken root in you. I don't feel pain like I used to; I have replaced it with knowing. But certainly for the sake of sharing my message - whatever that might be - I can at least connect to something I used to be. Or can I? The universe is infinite, so yes, of course.
